Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
