i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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