if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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