I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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