All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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