just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
