Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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