She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
