dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
