I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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