I just threw up on my dentist
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
