did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
...so i touched it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
