I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
