i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
