That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
