Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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