Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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