Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
