After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
