I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
