They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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