yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
