sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
