Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
