Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
