Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
