Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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