I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
