Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
