dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
