TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
