i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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