I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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