The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
