she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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