after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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