In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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