dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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