just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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