Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
