She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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