chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
MIDGETS
????
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
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