he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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