He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
