Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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