all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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