"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
