I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
