come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
