So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
