K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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