the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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