wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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