We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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