it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
