I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
