How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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