fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
